Hypothetical scenario: A serial killer broke into your apartment on the 10th floor (don’t ask how, just run with him). Against all odds, you managed to barricade him in the bathroom. You run out the door, take the elevator down, get in your car and run to the safety of the local police station. Is this the right thing to do? No. The elevator may decide to kill you, as it did in 1983. Elevator. And if not, then your car could be like a black sedan in Car. And if it’s not, but you have a flat tire, the spare tire can, as happens in Rubber. It sounds crazy, but if the makers of these films are right, you will never be safe again.
Christine (Christine, 1983)
Arnie (Keith Gordon) the new girl has beautiful curves, great taste in music, she looks spectacular in red and has a body to die for - literally. She is Christina and she is a machine. To be precise, a 1958 Plymouth Fury. First of three in a list taken from Stephen King fixture, Christine introduces us to the bore Arnie, who buys a car, named by the previous owner “Christine”, and begins to restore it. The more Arnie messes with Christina, the more his appearance and personality change, from a bespectacled computer geek to a cocky and arrogant greaser. He becomes obsessed with Christine, and unfortunately for those who bullied Arnie, Christine is obsessed with him. Let’s just say their bullying days are over.
Happy Toyz Truck (Maximum Overdrive, 1986)
The Earth passes through the tail of comet Ray-M during the week. “So?” You can ask. Well, it just so happens that machines come to life and attack people. Not so smart now, right? There are many cars to choose from that are starting to wreak havoc in the city of Wilmington, North Carolina. An ATM machine that calls a customer an “asshole”. A drawbridge that rises by itself. A video game that electrocutes people. An electric carving knife that turns itself on and attacks the waitress. And in a particularly hilarious “are we really supposed to laugh at this?” Moment, a soda machine that shoots a baseball coach before killing him in the head with a soda can. But the biggest evil here is Happy Toyz sentient truck with a big Green Goblin head attached to its front. The Beast kills dozens before being killed by a rocket launcher at the end. Kills? Not really - they could all just be half dead.
Robert Sheena (Rezina, 2010)
There’s something odd about the audience watching the movie being the events of the movie itself and so they are in the movie but watching it… Don’t even try, seriously. All you need to know is RubberAntagonist: Robert Shinny. Robert comes to life in the Californian desert, learning to stand up and roll over. He runs over a plastic bottle and a scorpion, but cannot crush a glass beer bottle by rolling over it. No problem. Robert has psychokinetic powers and uses them to break a bottle, crush a tin can, and cause a rabbit to explode. He attempts to use his powers on a woman nearby, but Robert is hit by a truck before he can kill her. So Robert blows the truck driver’s head off. Sheena enters the motel room, where the maid finds the tire being washed in the shower - no, that’s not true - and throws her out of the room, only for the tire to come back and blow her head off. Many heads exploded. The tire is then shot through, seemingly dead, but reincarnated as a tricycle that leads a group of other tires towards Hollywood. Absolutely tiring, but not sparing the money. No date given, but it must have been Goodyear… probably expensive with inflation and all…
Bulldozer (Killdozer!, 1974)
Somewhat surprising, given the theme, Killdozer! the only movie on the list with an exclamation point in the title. Which should be. It has a damn possessed bulldozer with an alien aura for screaming out loud! In short, a meteorite crashes to Earth on a remote island off the coast of Africa. Said bulldozer is used by the builders on the island to try and move the meteorite, but the space rock that moves towards the bulldozer emits a blue aura. Foreman Lloyd KellyClint Walker) orders not to use the bulldozer. Everyone listens, the movie ends. Someone doesn’t listen and the bulldozer comes to life, destroying their walkie-talkie and killing the workers one by one.
Floor Lamp (The Amityville Horror: Escapes of Evil, 1989)
Today’s Helpful Tip: If a home that is said to be haunted has a yard sale, even after a “successful” exorcism, don’t buy anything. This is the lesson that HelenPeggy McKay) had to learn. But she didn’t, and ended up buying her sister in California a vulgar brass floor lamp. Now only evil creatures from the infamous Amityville House live. V lamp and make the long cross-country trip to California with the disgusting lamp. The lamp arrives at Alice Leacock (Jane Wyatt) at home where Helen’s sister Nancy (Patty Duke) and Nancy’s children remain after the death of Nancy’s husband. The lamp is connected to the network, turns on and TA-dah, instant spooky stuff. Animals are in a panic, demons are climbing into the wiring, Fred’s parrot is being heated in the microwave, an electric saw is turned on, and little Jessica (Brandy Gold) you can see dad in the lamp. Only papa the devilJohn Rice), and Jessica is gradually taken over.
The Clock (Amityville 1992: It’s About Time 1992)
Another helpful tip: if there is an antique clock on the ruins of a house thought to be haunted, leave it alone. Unwidowed father Jake Sterling (Stephen Macht), however. He finds a dainty antique Amityville mantel clock and brings it home to California (which seems to be the link to all evil, as now two items from Amityville must find their way there). The clock was created by a 15th century necromancer, or better known as a dead man eater, just another contributor to Amityville’s evil. Once he’s placed on the mantle of the Sterling house, things move pretty quickly. Sterling is attacked by the neighbor’s dog, hedges are set on fire, the dog is killed, time itself skips the clock and slows down, and people die.
Bed (Bed of Death: The Bed that Eats, 1977)
Long ago, a demon fell in love with a beautiful girl and created a bed where they could copulate. Alas, the maiden died during their date, causing the demon to shed tears of blood on the bed, causing the bed to come to life. When a demon falls asleep, the bed is silent, but every 10 years he wakes up and the bed dines with people. But listen! Today a champion is born, the brother of one of the three women who have been swallowed up by the bed, and as a result of intercourse with the mother of the bed, now reborn, the bed bursts into flame. And they lived (presumably) happily ever after.
Spa (Spa of Death, 1989)
Welcome to the future of training, StarBody Health Fit Spa! Our high-tech sports equipment is controlled by a state-of-the-art supercomputer, possibly owned by the owner’s late wife. Put on your bright neon spandex and get down! Check out our chemical rain sauna. Our diving pool that nearly killed one of our customers. An arm press machine that will give you the sculpted abs you’re looking for (or just tear your abs apart). The sauna is so hot it will blow your mind. Literally. Solarium that grills like it’s from George Foreman. Come once and you never want to leave. Or let me leave.
Elevator (Mine, 2001)
Richard Roundtree it’s John Shaft, a black private cock who is a sex machine for all chicks, a complex man that no one understands except his woman… wait, we’re not talking about Shaft? Oh… Shaft. Really different. Shaft tells the story of the three main high-speed elevators in the 102-story Millennium Building, which are starting to have technical problems. In no particular order: kills a blind man and his guide dog; decapitates a guard; launches a roller skater from the 86th floor to his death; an elevator car crashes into the top floor so fast that the floor flies off and kills everyone in it; and cuts the SWAT officer in half. Despite the deaths, this is still a very uplifting film that should be on your must-see list.
Dress (In fabric, 2018)
Sheila (Marianne Jean Baptiste) heads to the department store to buy a new date dress. A beautiful red dress catches her eye and the salesman convinces her to buy it. It looks amazing on her, but she gets a rash from it, so she throws it in the washing machine. Strange, the washing machine broke down. Hm. The next day, Sheila learns that the dress is one-of-a-kind and the store’s model was killed after wearing it for a catalogue. The dress is torn on a date, but is repaired later that day and moved in the closet at night. Reason for return? You might think, but the store refuses to take it back, and with the dress in the trunk of the car, Sheila dies in a car accident. The dress ends up in the possession of several more people who also die while wearing it.
Jeans (Slaxx, 2020)
Canadian Cotton Clothiers is gearing up to launch Super Shapers, designer jeans to suit every body type. Only there is a couple obsessed with a 13-year-old sweatshop killed by a threshing machine that was picking cotton for the Supershapers. He’s grumpy, to say the least, and the jeans go wild with crazy fun. They compress one woman’s waist until it is torn in half, the zipper rips body parts, and usually many people die and get eaten by the possessed jeans.
Folding Laundry Machine (Mangler, 1995)
The Mangler is a large laundry press at Blue Ribbon Laundry. One of the workers accidentally cut herself while trying to avoid being hit by an old ice box. An old possessed ice box, and when the ice box and blood splatter come into contact with the Mangler, the machine comes to life. First he gnaws on the elderly worker, but he rumples and rolls her up like a sheet, so it’s something. It turns out that the city elders were sacrificing their virgin daughters to the car on their 16th birthday for wealth and power, so the damn thing was already bloodthirsty. After killing several more people, an exorcism is attempted to exorcise the demon. Does not work, and now the machine is alive and mobile. You could say the tide has turned…
Condom (Killer Condom, 1996)
Something strange is going on at the Quickie Hotel. Four gay men have their penises torn off, a professor loses his penis after blackmailing his student into sex, and the detective on the case loses a testicle while trying to have sex with a gigolo he likes. Common thread? Condoms. Murderer condoms. Designed by some crazy religious zealot who designed these condoms to destroy gays, prostitutes, transvestites and other deviant perverts. Surprisingly better than it looks. Fun fact: the original name was actually Shaft (this is not true, but could not resist).
Source: Collider
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